Do you have a recently divorced person on your holiday gift list? They may be the easiest person to buy for!
When one household is split in two, most couples find themselves dividing their possessions. Many items need to be replaced. Where once there were two adults to divide the chores and maintenance of the home, now one person shoulders all the responsibilities of each home. Each parent is a single parent; children are now schlepping back and forth. Juggling all the roles, managing all the chores AND trying to take care of everyone’s needs can feel daunting. Furthermore, finances are tight and time is short. So if you have a friend who has recently gone through a divorce, the choice of holiday gifts are really endless.
When shopping for your newly single friend, consider the kind of gift they would most appreciate. Something practical? Something to build their self esteem? Something to make them laugh? The newly single person could definitely use all three. Here are some tried and true choices.
In the Practical Gifts department – When shopping for the newly divorced, consider what deficits were created in the distribution of goods. Traditionally, men usually take the tools, lawn and snow equipment and big TV. Women keep most of the furniture, sheets, towels and kitchen equipment. This creates an endless list of gift opportunities in all price ranges. If you are unsure as to whether she needs a screw driver or a snow shovel, a gift card to Home Depot or Lowe’s will be among her favorite gifts. The newly divorced woman makes fast friends with the big box hardware stores. Also, anything car related-a gift certificate for a car detailing or an oil change is always appreciated. Consider a book on car maintenance or a GPS. A gift certificate for snow plowing or lawn care will relieve her of one more chore. How about a gift certificate for a visit with a financial planner? For men, many of the above suggestions apply. Also, consider kitchen gadgets, cook books, sheets, towels- all are practical and will be appreciated. Don’t forget a good can opener or coffee maker. Not sure exactly what he needs? How about a gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond or for an automotive service? A gift certificate for housecleaning will be a winner!
Self-Esteem Building Gifts are gifts focused on relaxation, health, self indulgence and pampering – the broken hearted or disillusioned need a boost to their self-esteem (and who doesn’t?). For women, gifts certificates to spas, hairdressers, a yoga class, the gym, for sexy lingerie, monogrammed anything (with her new initials) or a pedicure. In short, these are gifts to make help her feel beautiful and special yet they are often indulgences not included in her new budget. To enhance those special gifts, promise to watch the kids, so she doesn’t have to pay a baby sitter. For men, try some of the same-a gift certificate to a spa, for a “salon haircut”, or a gift certificate to a big box tech store. How about a gift card for cooking lessons, cable service or Netflix? Tickets to a ball game for the two of you are a great diversion and also give the gift of your time.
Gag Gifts are funny, vengeful and often very clever little doodads but these can be a slippery slope-one person’s gag gift can appear mean and vengeful to another. Know the recipient well enough to make sure they are at a place where they appreciate the humor. For example, some love the idea of a divorce party; others think it is simply awful and would rather lie in bed for days with a box of donuts. For more on gifts to that can bring a smile Check out Attorney Chip Mues list of fun gifts.
In the Unusual Yet Much Appreciated category- Why not get a group of close friends to chip in and pay off some of your friend’s unpaid attorney’s fees?
Finally, give the gift of time. Many worry they will lose their friendships as a result of the change in their marital status. Don’t exclude your divorced buddies from holiday events even if these were traditionally couples events. If they choose not to attend, that’s fine, but when you continue to invite your newly single friends, you diminish the sting of isolation they may feel especially around the holidays. The greatest gift of all is letting them know you are there for them and they are still an important part of your life.
Many of you who read this blog are divorced. I would encourage you to share the best gift you received (or wished you had) to acknowledge your new single status. Sharing your experience and creative ideas may just make someone else’s holiday a little brighter. Furthermore, if you are now in the process of going through a divorce, here’s a good place to post your wish list!
**Next week- Gift ideas for the child whose parents have recently divorced.
