Well, there is no easy way to say this, but our relationship just isn’t working for me. Day in and day out, there is hardly any variation, I feel empty and my resentment growing. Valentine’s Day was such a struggle: there was nothing sweet about that day and that reflects our entire relationship. I feel constantly deprived. I need more.
I want you to know my discontent is not about you, it is about me. You have tried to provide me with a healthy relationship but it feels hollow and routine and so restrictive. I miss the sweet highs and lows of something more filling. I am so bored. We don’t even go out to eat anymore and if we do I am left yearning for more. I envy those around me; I feel a constant hollowness in my gut. Everyone seems to have so much more on their plate!
I remember the night we were introduced all those years ago; it was at business party. I noticed a skinny waif-like woman in a lovely pink silk sheath, daintily munching on a raw carrot. I was in my black “swing” dress with crème puff goo in the corners of my mouth. We struck up a conversation and then she introduced us. At first, I thought you were the one for me. I could see us together forever! I tried. I really did.
I confess I have been “lusting in my heart” for Godiva and Lindt. Chunky Monkey winks at me. New York Cheesecake is calling. Just to set the record straight, I have cheated on you a couple of times; once before Christmas there was a one night stand with raw cookie dough. Then, a holiday party where I hooked up with a bowl of M&M’s. I have been (mostly) faithful to our commitment since those dalliances, but temptation is everywhere.
I cannot imagine living like this for the rest of my life. I know, I have said this before yet have returned to you; contrite and regretful; begging you to take me back. And there you are; rock steady with a plan that I know makes sense. But, for now, I need to explore my options and do so without guilt.
So, Good-bye for now. I am sure I will be back….perhaps when the Easter Candy is just a memory…
But definitely before swimsuit season.
© 2016 Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in private practice in Farmington, CT since 1986. She has a special interest in working with people dealing with life transitions. She is the author of the award winning From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce which is available in Kindle format for $9.99 as well as in paperback. Her love affair with chocolate is temporarily suspended, but the candy aisle is calling.