Book excerpt from Profileactics: A Guide for the Prevention of Ill-Conceived Personal Ads

A Note to the Women
These profiles were written by the men who were raised mostly by moms who stayed home with their children, baked from scratch, ironed their husbands’ shirts and wore foundation garments of torture. These women were oppressed, repressed, compressed and often, depressed. Then these boys ran right into the women’s movement in their early dating years. Here they are forty years later and the Boomer men are still trying to figure out what the rules are. The Dance of Courtship never really stabilized after the sexual revolution. In their parents’ era, the dating rituals and gender roles were consistent and predictable. He asked, he paid, he pursued, she distanced. Sex, if it happened all, was never discussed. And if they did “do it,” the aftermath was filled with guilt and fear— of being found out, of going to hell or of pregnancy. Ah, the good old days.

Unfortunately, today’s Boomer man has little idea of what is expected of him and it isn’t his fault. Some women want to be courted in a 1950’s style; some want a relationship that recreates the sexual freedom of the 1970’s. Some want to be partners, some want a he-man, some want to be in charge. The guy who opens the door for a woman has a 50-50 chance that she either will be insulted or think the guy has great manners. Oh, and if a guy offers to pay, it is a toss-up as to whether you ladies see him as a control freak or a gentleman. A man doesn’t know whether a woman will be insulted if he doesn’t try to have sex on the first date or if she will smack him for trying to hold her hand.

Because of the sexual revolution and the women’s movement, there are no rules. There are no “shoulds” and this is a good thing for women. They are free to be themselves and express their unique styles and needs in their own unique way. Birkenstocks or stilettos, shave or don’t shave, pay or don’t pay, have sex or wait. Women have infinite options.

But no wonder men are so clueless. The rules vary from woman to woman and there is no simple rule book. So, women, be mindful in your profiles to make it clear as to some of your needs. If you want a 50-50 relationship say that, but mean it; and 50-50 doesn’t mean in some areas (like household chores) and not in others (paying for dates). Be clear and be consistent. Help him out here. Women may have changed the rules, but they never gave men the play book.